The fight in me

It's so much easier to stop a behavior than it is to deal with the root of why you behave the way you do. Let me be more specific; at times I have a problem with anger. It's like I constantly pull a Kanye; walk up to God, grab the mic and say "I know you said vengeance is yours, but I got this one." It plays out in different ways, from road rage to my wife having to stop me from getting into verbal altercations to fighting not to respond to people on Facebook with what I'm immediately thinking about their response to me.
 
 It's not just a fight to not respond to things that upset me in anger, it's dealing with that thing in my heart that makes me feel like I should respond that way. I know that my need to respond to people and circumstances that upset me with anger is saturated with pride. I need to get the last word and win the argument. I need the guy who cut me off to learn how to drive as well as I do so the streets with be a more pleasant place to drive. The bottom line is:

1. When I am the center of my life, sin wins.
2.  If I am at the center, it's likely a result of neglecting the disciplines of prayer, study, fellowship and confession.

I was looking over Jonathan Edwards' resolutions today and was reminded that sin won't commit suicide. If I don't actively fight to kill it, it will not die. Although God is constantly perusing me, if I don't make my pursuit of him intentional, I'll find it difficult to consider him in my daily thought life and in those interactions that push me to the edge...

3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again. - Jonathan Edwards

15 years a Christian, 2 years a husband, 3 months a father

When I was 19 years old, God totally rocked my life by saving me. I can remember who I was just an hour before hearing the message. I wasn't a seeker. I didn't go to church that morning because I had burdens on my mind that I needed a spiritual fix for. I just went because I was asked to go, and the last thing I’d ever expect to happen… happened. It’s been 15 years now, and through the ups and downs, I’m still standing by God’s grace. Now that I’m 35, it’s been interesting trying to navigate through this stage in my life. Being saved at 19, I didn't exactly see what Godly parenting and child rearing should look like. I have the scriptures which are absolutely sufficient, with all that I need to know to walk every stage of my life out to His glory, but even the scripture speaks about the value of our brothers and sisters being examples in the faith for how to live. 

Getting married and recently having Lincoln came with a lot of questions: What does the role of a Godly husband and father look like for me? How do we work through disagreements? How do I raise him to be a Godly child/man in a culture that wants God out? How will we work through disappointments which are bound to happen? What about the fears I deal with internally about what his future may hold?

I don’t have answers for most of my questions, but here are 7 things I've learned/I see God teaching me through my journey as a husband and father:

1. Trust in the Sovereignty of God. I don’t know what Lincoln’s future holds, but I can be assured that God is faithful. No matter how crazy this world gets, God and his word will stand forever.
2. Disappointment and hard times are inevitable. Face that fact now and don’t be overwhelmed by it. The scriptures make that clear but offers hope in Christ.
3. Learn to be increasingly eternity facing. Being on a single income can make me envious and resentful for what I don’t have if I’m not careful to look at what this life is really about.
4. Be intentional about loving your wife deeply. Life can get busy with work, church, children etc. You know she’s precious to you, but she needs to know it too. It’s also important if you’re going to model Godly manhood to your son.
5. Never stop reading and building strong relationships with Godly men and families. This one has been difficult for me lately. I have great books that I know can aid me in strengthening my prospective of Godly parenting and I’m sure there are plenty of great examples at GCC, but I've been so lazy. I need to use what God has given me to aid in my maturing for myself and my family.
6. Keep in mind that when it comes to Godly character, you cannot give what you don’t have. I've always wanted to avoid being that parent that’s trying to do Godly things so my kid can be “good” instead of modeling a Godly life so that he can value Christ above all. You can’t hide what you truly value. Your kids will figure it out.
7. Keep legacy in mind. This uphill climb doesn't end with my life. My son will have many challenges in his life when I’m gone and so will his children. My wife has her own questions and fears that she takes to God. The last thing I want to do is be selfish with the decisions I make daily. I want the generations after me to know what it means to love and enjoy Christ. I want to spend myself for the glory of God and the Godward growth of my family.