Saturday, September 13, 2014

The fight in me

It's so much easier to stop a behavior than it is to deal with the root of why you behave the way you do. Let me be more specific; at times I have a problem with anger. It's like I constantly pull a Kanye; walk up to God, grab the mic and say "I know you said vengeance is yours, but I got this one." It plays out in different ways, from road rage to my wife having to stop me from getting into verbal altercations to fighting not to respond to people on Facebook with what I'm immediately thinking about their response to me.
 It's not just a fight to not respond to things that upset me in anger, it's dealing with that thing in my heart that makes me feel like I should respond that way. I know that my need to respond to people and circumstances that upset me with anger is saturated with pride. I need to get the last word and win the argument. I need the guy who cut me off to learn how to drive as well as I do so the streets with be a more pleasant place to drive. The bottom line is:

1. When I am the center of my life, sin wins.
2.  If I am at the center, it's likely a result of neglecting the disciplines of prayer, study, fellowship and confession.

I was looking over Jonathan Edwards' resolutions today and was reminded that sin won't commit suicide. If I don't actively fight to kill it, it will not die. Although God is constantly perusing me, if I don't make my pursuit of him intentional, I'll find it difficult to consider him in my daily thought life and in those interactions that push me to the edge...

3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again. - Jonathan Edwards

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